Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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