Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
