Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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