i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
