If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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