brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
