Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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