Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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