the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
