That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
