the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
