Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
