Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
