Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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