I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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