cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
