I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
