im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
