There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
