Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
