when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
