Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
