Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
