Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
