I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
