i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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