booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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