she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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