i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
