Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
