She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
