Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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