I should be sponsored by Trojan
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
