...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just cut my nipple shaving
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
