i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
