My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
