thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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