Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
