i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's shark week go big or go home
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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