Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
