Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
