Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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