you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
