i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
