I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
