Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I love having hate sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
