im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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