dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I die, sorry about rent.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
