I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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