i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
