Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
