he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
