I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
