I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
