Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
