Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
