it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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