ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
